Dear Early Humans (A Letter To 40,000 B.C.)

Dear Early Humans,

Welcome to Earth, consciousness, and the wonders of technology. Getting here took some pretty incredible leaps in cognitive development and awareness, and I sincerely applaud you for that. Fire and cooking are, I think we can all agree, freaking incredible. On behalf of space-faring man of the future, I thank you.

I would like to say, however, that humanity could be better off. There are some…issues, we need to address. Issues that, if you were amicable to the following proposed changes, would put us all in a better position. Past and present company included.

In The Arms Of An Angel (Parody)

Cognitive Ease (Why Nobody Listens To Your Speech)

Note: This is a sneak peek at an upcoming article that will appear in the Toastmaster’s magazine Voices! If you have any suggestions please leave them in the comments.

---

Two presenters give a competition speech. One waxes poetically about personal values, discovery, awareness, self-actualization, and the winding, often dangerous path that brought them to this very time and place—all things that should interest us. The other speaker talks about their quirky family. Who wins?

5 Things Gladiator Got Wrong About Emperor Commodus (Revisited)

Editor’s Note: This article was posted a year ago, before the release Netflix’s new docu-drama Roman Empire: Reign of Blood. Because we take every opportunity to talk about bloody, batshit tyrants, we’ve dug it out of the archives for your enjoyment. (Read; our enjoyment.)

Why Westworld Should Stay In Westworld (A Fan Theory)

 

You may have heard from other media outlets that Westworld is here to stay. At least for half a dozen seasons, making it HBO’s next Game of Thrones. This, from James Marsden, Hollywood’s most famous fictional cuckold.

“It wasn’t about getting the first 10 done, it was about mapping out what the next 5 or 6 years are going to be. We wanted everything in line so that when the very last episode airs and we have our show finale, five or seven years down the line, we knew how it was going to end the first season.”

This really got me thinking; where can they take this show

Skyrim Special Edition – Play Like A Nord Coward

Last week PC gamers who already owned Skyrim and its DLC’s were given a free copy of Skyrim SE. Why? Because PC gamers are the Millennials of gaming; we don’t fight our own battles about who has the “best console” but we do expect to be rewarded when the conflict results in content.

Editor’s Note: None of that last statement is true. Like, any of it.

Anyway, a free game is a free game, even if

DC’s Periodic Table of Elements

The Most Successful House In Westeros (Is The Most Hated)

I have a simple question for you Game of Thrones fans; who is winning? I don’t mean on the individual level (we all know that’s Arya) but which house is coming out ahead in the overall scheme of things? The Greyjoys? The Starks? The Targaryen? The Brady’s?

“The Lannisters have more gold and they sit the Iron Throne.” You might argue. “Dany has freaking dragons, and armies of battle-hardened Unsullied and Dothraki!” One could equally posit. “But Jon Snow and Sansa finally hold the north, and between them they have the requisite bloodline to rule.” Diehard Stark fans might debate.

How about this one; House Craster has produced an army of immortal, near-unkillable ice princes, who

Luke Cage – Walking Tour

Trees Talk To Each Other

Author’s Note: This is an excerpt from an article I wrote for Voices! magazine, a publication aimed at Toastmasters- a nonprofit public speaking and leadership organization. It’s set to print at the end of October, but because you’ve been good, you get it a month early.

---

Imagine a young earth without tall trees. Imagine a place where poplars stretch no higher than your knees, and oaks that come up to your ankle. Imagine fields of fully-grown maples that sway like short stalk wheat, and evergreen firs that blanket valleys like dense, short shrubbery. This is the world we’d occupy, if not for a very special type of fungus.