Every year we post a nonsense Christmas carol done in the style of Clement Clarke Moore’s T’was the Night Before Christmas. This time around we’ve mashed it together with our love of Weird History. Please enjoy this poem about a very real and not made-up whatsoever riot that occurred at West Point military academy before the Civil War.
Dear Early Humans,
Welcome to Earth, consciousness, and the wonders of technology. Getting here took some pretty incredible leaps in cognitive development and awareness, and I sincerely applaud you for that. Fire and cooking are, I think we can all agree, freaking incredible. On behalf of space-faring man of the future, I thank you.
I would like to say, however, that humanity could be better off. There are some…issues, we need to address. Issues that, if you were amicable to the following proposed changes, would put us all in a better position. Past and present company included. Continue reading “Dear Early Humans (A Letter To 40,000 B.C.)”
Editor’s Note: This article was posted a year ago, before the release Netflix’s new docu-drama Roman Empire: Reign of Blood. Because we take every opportunity to talk about bloody, batshit tyrants, we’ve dug it out of the archives for your enjoyment. (Read; our enjoyment.)
Author’s Note: This is an excerpt from an article I wrote for Voices! magazine, a publication aimed at Toastmasters- a nonprofit public speaking and leadership organization. It’s set to print at the end of October, but because you’ve been good, you get it a month early.
Imagine a young earth without tall trees. Imagine a place where poplars stretch no higher than your knees, and oaks that come up to your ankle. Imagine fields of fully-grown maples that sway like short stalk wheat, and evergreen firs that blanket valleys like dense, short shrubbery. This is the world we’d occupy, if not for a very special type of fungus. Continue reading “Trees Talk To Each Other”
A few weeks back I talked about how archery is misunderstood by fantasy gamers. And wouldn’t you know, someone disagreed with me. But the respectful counter-argument raised about my archery post wasn’t in defense of the impossibly accurate Legolas’s of the D&D world. Or much about archery at all, really. The argument seemed to focus on the plausibility of a small, elite fighting group having real effect against ranks of archers or a phalanx of spearmen. The points made against my post also came from a source I respect.
So here, for the first time, I will write a rebuttal about why your average D&D character would be diced into Gnomechow if they went up against a real organized military unit. Continue reading “Your Badass D&D Character Would Make A Terrible Soldier”
From campy b-movie space romps to the Sci-Fi big-budget epics, authors, screenwriters, and movie makers keep committing the same old sin. Instead of inventing new and exciting creatures for their alien race they’ll still disappointingly cop-out and sub-in cheesy monsters. And not just any monster–it’s usually a monster from old Hollywood cinema.
Two reasons. Budget and ease of narrative. Continue reading “Why Sci-Fi Should Stop Substituting Aliens With Monsters”